Looking back in my life, I either had a lot of friends or I was a loner. My status changed with how much effort I wanted to put into my friendships in different periods of my life. Having valuable friends around us is a very crucial part of our lives, and it is not as easy as it seems sometimes. Some people might say they don’t need anyone, but we really do! It keeps us sane. But what is a real friendship, and how can you develop your friendship to a real friendship that lasts? I will tell you a little about my long-lasting friendship with my best friend, and the ups and downs in our friendship, maybe it can help you in some way.
I met my best friend when we were in high school at age 15, we did not like each other much in the beginning. We both can’t remember how we started hanging out, but we did have a lot in common. We loved going to the mall, trying out different restaurants, singing karaoke, drinking and getting crazy, and TALKING. I graduated high school one year before she did, and I moved away. But she always called me to keep in touch. I am really bad at keeping up with people, her efforts made our relationship last, that’s for sure. We would share our thoughts, our relationship problems, dreams, and just silly stuff. So first thing first, in order to have a real friendship, you need to make time and stay in touch with him/her.
If you know someone who never picks up phone calls, that is me, and it might be you too. Stop doing that, or at least let the other person know you are busy at the moment. It is better to say something than nothing at all. But my best friend NEVER was mad at me, she always tried at a later time again. I swear there were times, I would call her 2 or 3 in the morning, she would be there for me. After I realized how much I appreciate her being there for me all the time, I have done self-reflect. Now that I know better, I definitely put more effort into keeping in touch with her and other close friends as well! Not only it’s nice to be there for people around you, but sharing thoughts with friends can help you to grow.
We have been through ups and downs in our relationship, there was a time we weren’t talking to each other at all for months on end. It was because we were both in relationships. I am sure it happens to everyone, you get obsessed with your significant other, everyone else disappears in your life. Let me tell you an honest truth, your significant other might not be there forever, but your real friends will. So call your friends and tell them how happy you are, and they would love to share your happiness as well!
Speaking of relationships and all, sometimes friends stop talking to each other because they don’t want to hear what the other party has to say. I remember my best friend stopped telling me what was going on in her life because she felt like I would judge her. She told me that years later. I totally understand! I probably would have been that mom-like friend telling her what she should or should not do. Being a real friend doesn’t mean you are the therapist for them, you don’t need to help them to make a decision, nor should you scout at them for whatever they are doing wrong. The most important role is to listen, to support, and to grow together. I am sure you have heard people saying that the moment you ask someone “which one should I choose?”, the person who is asking already has an answer in his/her head. When your friend is lost, asking them the right questions to help them to sort things out is more helpful than just telling them what you think is the best.
You know, no one taught us how to be a real friend. We figure that out along the way, and we might have lost one or two of them just because we don’t know how to be a real friend. But that is totally ok, people come and go in your life. The most important thing is you are looking inside of yourself, and making that progress to be better every day! We are never perfect, but we all have a lot room to grow. Grow with me, and share your thoughts with me! Till next time, stay cool my friends~
This blog is dedicated to my best friend ~ Danny