Let me be your lover

I am currently reading the book called “When All Is Said” by Anne Criffin, when she wrote about how Sadie talked to her son, it caught my heart. It went like this..

“Kevin, I love you. Your Mammy loves you,” Sadie said, marking every word with a kiss to your tummy as you lay on the ground being dried. “She loves every bone of you, do you now that”

“Hmm hmm,” you replied, happily watching puffs of white rise from the Johnson’s baby power container every time you pressed its middle. 

“And does Kevin love Kevin?” Puff upon puff of whiteness filled the air . Does Kevin love Kevin, I repreated in my head.

You didn’t reply. Instead you turned the talcum power upside down, shaking it viforously on to your rummy and the floor.

“Beacuse if you love this wee boy,” she continued, dispersing the poered all over you,” and are always kind to him and always try to understand him then I think he will be the happiest little man in the whole wide world.” She used the corner of the bath towel to rub the white smatterings from the carpet. “Will you do that, will you love Kevin for me? Will ya? Ya rascal,” she asked, administering another tickle that let loose more squeals of laughter.

I have read so many inspiring articles and quotes about self-love, none of them touched my heart like this part of the book did. The mother knew that her love would never make his son as happy as if he loves himself and how powerful and selfless her love is. It made me think…

We are always looking out towards anything but ourselves day in and day out in this life. How often do you close your eyes and look inside of you and care for yourself? We are continually analyzing others’ facial expressions, mood, and tone of the voices. How much do we analyze the voice within? We often create this image of ourselves based on how others treat you and talk about you, but we are made of how we speak to ourselves in reality.

I never thought that I am a pretty girl. People’s compliments go over my head because I am so determined that I am not the definition of pretty. When I look in the mirror, I always search for imperfections. I hurt myself when I say something negative about myself, yet I crave for words of admiration from others. How could I never realize that kind word of mine weights a thousand times more than others?

Most of us go through heartbreaks and love deprivation at some point in our life. But have you ever thought about if you love yourself enough, do you pay attention to the quality of your heart condition? How is that my friend would notice me being upset and want to say something nice to make me feel better before I do?

I got distraught over something I have no control over the other day at work. I took an early lunch break to calm myself down. I didn’t play music the whole way home. I talked to myself. I told my heart that I understand why you are so upset, and it is ok to be upset, but it is not worth it. Being upset is not going to change anything, and you are letting the negative energy infest in your body. I told myself to take some deep breaths and just let it go. I came back refreshed from the lunch break. I could have called my friend and complained about the situation and cursed how stupid it is, but I would have forgotten about talking to myself and caring for myself.

I started telling myself that I will be my best lover. Everything you seek from someone else, I will provide and will love you the best way you want it. I will always be there and listen to you, I will smile to you first before I do to anyone else, I will always make time for you, and I will not ignore you nor leave you ever for the rest of my life. Trust me when I say, Let me be your lover…



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